Are we there yet?

I'm now 37 weeks pregnant , and if you're still following along on my journey,  welcome back . I've been M.I.A. for a little while. And I'm sure you can guess lots of things have happened since last time.

I'm currently writing this from my bath tub, the tub I filled with about 4 cups of Epsom salt because I'm dramatic and hope it will be a miracle worker. And I just finished crying . Today has been rough. I haven't been one to complain about pregnancy but today has got me feeling all kinds of miserable. I hurt. I No longer have ankles. Or heels. I can barley wiggle my toes.  I can't stand without someone's help.  And the only way I can walk without excruciating pain, is if I waddle.

I'll back up to the last week of my life.  Because that's where things got interesting.
We finally made it to our goal of 34 weeks. Meaning,  if baby decided she was ready to come,  the doctor wasn't going to stop her. But thankfully,  she didn't come. However, I was put on bed rest, again. I couldn't  (and still can't) keep the swelling in my feet down . So instead of fully listening to my doctor,  I cut back some of my hours . And it seemed to help.  Then 36 weeks rolled around and it was prom! Prom meant an 8 hour day of back to back updos. It also meant my feet were about to quadrupole in size. Although I feel fine while I'm working,  I definitely suffer the consequences after.  And after the 8 hour day, I felt off all weekend.  But I had already decided we weren't making any more trips into L&D unless it was the real deal.
I had my routine check the following Tuesday and I wasn't prepared for what the doctor was going to say. Before leaving for the clinic,  I decided to through my hospital bags, and the carseat into my jeep, just incase under some weird circumstances,  he told us to go straight to the hospital.  We were fully loaded and ready to go (well, only physically )
After doing a cervical exam to check my progress,  he was surprised to find I was already dilated 3cm, and 85% effaced! He explained he thought the baby would come that night,  or at least by the end of the week!  (Still pregnant over here )
The shock never really set in. Lee and I really didn't have time to process because we went back to work right after. But I was making progress,  and I was making it fast!  But the contractions started to pick up. And they started to hurt. And I started to cry. It was go time.
We got in the car and drove. That's where my panic set in. As much as I was ready to meet our baby girl, I wasn't ready. It wasn't supposed to happen like this and it wasn't supposed to be so soon. The tears started but soon stopped. It was then we realized we couldn't stop her if she was coming . And it was time to meet our baby.
We checked into L&D like many times before. My contractions were charting 3-4 minutes apart. But after a few hours , I wasn't progressing in dilation.  They kept me and Lee over night to monitor progression.  Morning came and I still wasn't progressing,  and they sent us home. What a relief , but what a let down. All the hype just to come home empty handed. Why the hell is false labor even a real thing.
So Lee and I prepared ourselves and waited anxiously all week for "the moment " . I took most of the week off to relax and not put anymore stress on me or baby. The moment never came.
Reality soon set in that she's going to come when she's good and ready. Even if that means she makes her appearance while I'm standing next to my best friend  at her WEDDING THIS WEEKEND .

So here I am. Faced with a dilemma I never thought I'd have to face. I'm either going to be extremely fat and uncomfortable at my best friend's wedding , going into labor at her wedding,  in the hospital at her wedding or have leaking nipples and my insides falling out at her wedding but have a little baby with me. They're all lovely options right?  Either way, I'm not about to miss this day for my best friend. I couldn't even imagine. I've already cried over not being able to participate in her bachlorette party or being able to drink a beer with her on her big day. These are all things that happen once in a lifetime for a girl! Missing the big day isn't an option.  So I sent my dress to alterations today, and I guess we wait to see what happens to me and this bump.
We see our doctor tomorrow. Thank the lord. He plans to strip my membranes and said he's going to make sure that baby comes. Once again, I get mixed emotions . But a baby doesn't wait for the timing to be right. My ideal date at this point was either last week, or the day after this wedding. What's so great about May 13th? Well it's my birthday! But it's also Mother's day! What an amazing gift that would be. But I also want her to have her own birthday.  If all else fails, we have an induction date planned for 39 weeks. We're keeping those details a secret because we want to surprise the world, just like a natural birth would do!
It's crazy to think we were fighting to make it to 34 weeks, and now she might hold on until the full 39! God has answered so many prayers for us.

At 37 weeks, a woman starts to feel large and in charge. And despite already feeling that way, people aren't shy to speak up and say it to your face. I get it. You can see my bump, bumping out and shit. But there's no need for "oh my,you're getting big" or "you must be ready, you're so big". Dude. You don't walk up to an obese person and tell them they've gotten big or they look fat, so why is it any different for a pregnant woman!? I swear people lose any type of filter when speaking to a pregnant woman. Hello, I'm still a human with feelings. I already know what you're telling me. The last 2 weeks is when I've grown the most,  and it's because it's the most vital time for my babes. Pregnancy isnt always pretty.  I get it. And I'm okay with looking a little pudgy if it means she's healthy.  But my 37 week hormones can't handle all the comments.  So, please stop.

That's my life in a nutshell right now. Will I have a baby this week?! Or will I finally snap on the next person to make a "large" comment. Stay tuned!