Wife&Mom Life

click  HERE  for part 1. Soon I felt nothing from the waist down. I lay there looking around for my husband. They told him 10 minutes, but 10 minutes had come and gone, and I couldn't find him. My mind was racing as I looked around. A deep panic set in. I saw the neonatologist to the right of me, and the anesthesiologist to the left of me. I got scared. What if he wasn't breathing when he came out. We would have done this all for nothing. We had already told the doctor any interventions that could be done on my chest were the only ones we wanted. I started panicking and needed to tell the neonatologist that I changed my mind. I got her attention, but before I could even speak, I was instantly crying and struggling to get my words out. I told her if Samuel was struggling, I wanted them to take him to the resuscitation room and do whatever they could to stabalize him. I made this decision without Lee. I felt guilt, but needed to know we could meet Samuel....

We have been overwhelmed by the love and support, the care, the cards and gifts, and the thoughts and prayers that have been said on our behalf. Your kindness has forever changed us and it's not something we will ever forget. Last week was an off week.  I couldn't stayed focused at work.  In fact, I was coming in from work for 2-3 hours at a time and hiding in my bed. Lee and I both had a breakdown in our bed earlier in the week. We just held each other and cried. We were so scared of the unknown. I was celebrating another week of pregnancy, yet I felt so robbed. We wondered if Samuel would know our love if we never got to meet him. But we were determine to carry and meet this sweet boy. I had posted an update for everyone on facebook early in the week, and I planned on stopping until we got some significant news. I didn't realize my next post would be so soon. But God knew. Thursday, September 5th was another full day of doctor appointments. ...

I feel so much has happened since the last time I wrote. I've gone through a lot of emotions, my newest being angry. And asking why us? Just when I think I'm ok, I find a little onesie we had purchased, or the bins of diapers, and bottles. Everything we had started preparing for our bundle of joy.. Even though I know this is God's will, it's hard to stay positive and hold it together. . It's a new kind of "numb" With my husband and I about to celebrate our 2ns anniversary, this was certainly not how we thought we'd be living our life . When we found out we were having our second baby, there were so many emotions.  We couldn't help but to get excited at the thought of Porter being a big sister. Then we found out back in May we were having a boy. Our family was to be complete and we were excited. We talked about our family of four and made plans. In one doctors visit, it changed to us praying that we'll get atleast some precious time with ...

After last week's appointments, we spent most of our weekend in a daze. We tried to keep busy to keep our minds busy. Our 1 year old is really good at distracting us.  Sunday, we decided to take our prayers to church. We shuffled into the back pew of the church with my Grandpa.It was ironic to me the whole church service was based on "prayer' and how and when we should be praying. It seemed so fitting. And the final hymn of the day was "What a friend we have in Jesus". It's one I've known since my Sunday school days. But the words really hit me that day. As I was choking back tears, I could see my Grandpa wiping away his own. My Grandpa of course knows what is going on, but is not a man of many words. He doesn't need to be. But he's also not a man of many tears. I can count on 1 hand the number of times I've seen my Grandpa cry.  On Monday, August 19th, I got the call that our amniocentesis test came back with 98% positive ...

I t had been over a week since we got the news of our genetic screening coming back positive for Trisomy 18. Although we had questions, we had no answers. And although a we went through a number of emotions, we still remained hopeful. Yesterday (August 15), We had our full day of scheduled appointments. I was oddly, very calm going into everything. I think I was just so ready to have answers. Our first appointment was meeting with the genetic counselor. His job was to explain our first test results, and answer any questions that we may have. He did a really good job of being informative. And he was hopeful this was just a fluke. The blood test wasn't THAT accurate and we had already made it this far into pregnancy. He would better prepare us for what was to come if the findings were confirmed. We then went into an hour long ultrasound. Lee sat at top of the bed, and held my hand.  My eyes filled with tears seeing my baby again, he was strong, and moving around in there...

Dierks Bentley lyrics keep replaying in my mind: " Some days you just breath in Just try to break even. Sometimes your heart's poundin' out of your chest.  Sometimes it's just beatin'" R ight now, I'm just trying to break even and swear my heart is barely beating. 3 1/2 weeks after our 20 week anatomy scan, I was told the found cysts on our baby's brain. Which could potentially be a marker for downs syndrome. As scary as that was, my doctor was very hopeful my baby was healthy, and things would turn out okay. He recommended we go forward with genetic blood testing. And so we did . It was going to be about two weeks to hear the results. two weeks ago, we got the phone call saying our blood work came back completely normal without any concern. What a relief and a weight off our shoulders.  We let our families and friends know that all the prayers had worked-We presumed life without a worry.  Fast forward to last tuesday (two weeks ...

july 25,2019 24 weeks. 6 days. This is how long I've been carrying our second child. I just recently have been able to feel this baby move, kick, and hiccup. I've always been told this baby has a good, strong heart beat. So picture this. 3 1/2 weeks after our 20 week ultrasound, I go to our first prenatal appointment since. I feel good. Only have gained 7lbs this pregnancy. I'm literally feeling great and excited to see the doctor. I have no questions, no concerns. I'm just excited to hear the peanuts heartbeat. Lee hasn't been attending the appointments with me because normally, they're about 10-15 minutes long and nothing to crucial. We decided once we get closer to baby day, it would make more sense. So I'm alone, scrolling the interweb. Probably facebook. My OB knocks, comes in,sits, and says "Okay, so here's what we're going to do about the cysts on the brain" I thought he was joking. Trying to get me wild ...